I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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