Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
