mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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