Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
