So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
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