you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
