I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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