i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize