You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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