It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
