11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
