Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
