This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
