theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
