Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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