If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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