so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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