Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
