you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
