this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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