I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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