I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
