Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
