the condom got lost in my hair
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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