i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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