dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
