i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
