i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
