sarcasm needs its own font
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I enjoy the company of your penis
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
