I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I should be sponsored by Trojan
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
