Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
