so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
