Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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