I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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