Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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