Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
