so that wasnt chicken after all
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i out mim tonsoeep
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
