I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
