6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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