sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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