Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
