I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
