I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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