happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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