just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just come out here and I will go home with you...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
