omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
