I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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