Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
