pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize