you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
