addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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