Don't you send me to vm
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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