tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
