He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize