insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
