The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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