Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
