I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
