Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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