it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
