When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
