Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
