I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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