So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
