I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
