walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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