I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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