i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
