I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
