I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
