Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
