I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
