please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
